When Your Calling Is More Powerful Than Your Anxiety

My wife, Rachel, and I have been having more conversations lately about our callings in life.

She’s a writer. I’m a writer.

I’m also a cartoonist. And a minister.

But, with the calling comes this weighted amount of responsibility.

And, sometimes, I don’t feel like doing the thing that I’m called to do. And, chances are, you don’t either. You feel tired, lazy, distracted, busy, and the list goes on and on.

You’ve become so tired and so out of it that the feeling of guilt stirs into this mutated mess called anxiety. You feel guilty because people within your community or culture say “if you’re not doing XYZ, then you’re not really an XYZ.” You feel anxiety because you worry about what people think or what you’re creative expression will look like to others.

Then, you’re paralyzed. But, even worse than the feeling of being paralyzed, is the feeling of not doing the very thing that you know you’re supposed to do.

When I don’t do what I’m called to do, I feel out of sorts. It gets to me. It actually makes me feel miserable when I don’t do what I know I’m supposed to do.

Have you ever gone without eating? Well, it feels sort of like that. Have you ever been dehydrated? Yeah, it feels a lot like that.

For me, the creative expression of writing and drawing is like something I can’t help.

For example, when I was a boy, going through the changes every kid entering adulthood goes through, I began to notice girls. And guess what, I couldn’t help it. It was a part of me. It was right. It was normal. And sometimes, it was even overwhelming.

I knew that I was masterful at storytelling at an early age, and mixed with my passion for comic books and cartoons, I realized more and more that this was a big part of who I am.

And as I practiced the art of creating, I started with the desperate need to practice. I had to show up, daily, with some level of anxiety having to be thrown to the side through prayer, faith, journaling, counseling, and emotional support.

If you’re like me, you can’t help but write. You can’t help but tell stories that matter to you, and chances are, matter to an audience out there that needs you to speak up and speak out.

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